Many of you first-borns and middle-borns reading this article are wondering, “What have last-borns got to complain about? They were and still are the families’ babies. More often than not, they are daddy’s and mum’s favorite. Aren’t they?” There no denying, last-borns enjoy a certain level of pampering and coddling. These wrappings of cotton wool have rained a bad reputation upon last-borns. It is time this sort of stigmatization came to an end. You’ll today learn some of the ways in which a last-born must pay the price of coming last.

Experience Unending Comparisons

Last-borns are bound to find an already set bar. As the last-born, nothing you do is new. Nothing attracts sparkling interest. Right from when you utter your first words to when you graduate with a first class honors. The entire family (you excluded) has already done that, been there. All you get is a “Well done sweetie!” Now, that is the soft part. The hard part sets in when you realize that you live in the shadows of your sibling(s).

As the last-born, you are expected to do everything better than your siblings did. Call it the “If so and so (your sibling) did it, you can do it better.” Even your hobbies are to a large extent not your own. You have to have one that supersedes your siblings’. Each of your actions and their related outcomes are weighted relative to your siblings’. Welcome to the world of constant comparisons.

Become the Household’s Servant

Being a last-born strong-arms you into a combination of your older siblings’ and parents’ power. You are expected to follow orders without questions. Parents will skip everyone in the birth order to assign you an errand. Your gender is insignificant to the kinds of errands. You are born to serve, no questions asked. Definitely not to mentioning the consequences of insubordination.

Some of the errands are not only exhaustive but worse still, demeaning. Your siblings will not easily allow you to play with them. Neither will they agree to you using their stuff. Not unless they will exploit you (like by eating your candy) or mess with you in return. You end up being their guinea pig. The worst pain of all comes when you want to fight back, but you can’t.

A certain situation has been building in the Parsonage for the last several months. At first, I did not think it too serious but alas, we have reached a terrible impasse.

It started a few months ago when I came home, walked into the house and was hit in the face so hard I almost passed out. At the time, I was hoping I would pass out, but no such luck.

I think everybody knows what it is like to be hit unexpectedly by something you do not actually expect. I guess that is why it is called unexpectedly. It happened to me and I am not sure I am over it yet.

Even though I have been married 46 years, of which most of it has been happily, I did not see this one coming. Just when you think you have your spouse figured out, they do something off the radar. Every husband knows exactly what I am talking about.

This makes it hard to buy Christmas and birthday presents. What they liked last year is not what they like this year. I remember buying my wife a watch one year for Christmas of which she was so delighted that for the next four years after I bought her a watch for Christmas. How was I supposed to know she only wanted one watch!

I think we hit one of those impasses.

Walking into the house, I was hit with the horrific smell of broccoli cooking on the stove. I do not know if you ever smelt such a smell as that but if you are not prepared for it and even if you are prepared for it, it can smack you in the face like you have never been smacked in the face before.

When I came to myself and gathered what little composure I could find, I queried the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage who was in the kitchen.

“What is that awful smell?”

“I don’t know, have you taken a shower yet?”

After being married for 46 years, I know when to respond to a question and when not to. I knew if I responded to this question the way I wanted to respond to this question, the smell of broccoli would be the least of my worries at the time.

“No,” I said gathering a little bit of manliness about me, “Something in this house smells dreadful. I smelled it as soon as I walked in the door.”

Then she chuckled. I hate it when she chuckles.

“Oh, that must be the wonderful aroma of broccoli cooking on the stove. Isn’t it marvelous?”

Adhering to my rules about questions, I tossed that one aside and opted for another one.

“You’re not cooking broccoli for supper tonight, are you?”

I was hoping she would catch my attitude of disdain and disgust in this question. Obviously, for whatever reason, she did not catch the drift.

“Yes,” she said as chipper as I have ever heard her chip, “I thought I would surprise you with a wonderful dish of broccoli for supper tonight, to go along with our pork chops.”

Can you live with a person for so long and not know what they like or do not like? Nobody has to be around me for five minutes before they will understand that broccoli and I have had a feud that has been going on since before the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s.

“But I thought you knew I do not like broccoli?”

“Oh, that,” she said with another chuckle, “I just thought you were joking.”

Nobody jokes about broccoli, especially me.

Then a brilliant idea reverberated between my ears. I thought I could take advantage of this situation and sneak in something forbidden in our kitchen and house for that matter, a rare delicacy.

“I will then run to the store and get some fresh Apple Fritters for our dessert.”

I figured if she wants to put in front of me broccoli the least she can do is allow me an Apple Fritter or two.

In a moment, all the chipper drained from her person and she looked at me and said, “Apple Fritters are not allowed in this house.”

“Let’s negotiate,” I said as calmly as I have ever been in my life. “I will allow you to eat broccoli tonight if you allow me an Apple Fritter for my dessert.”

I wonder if there is a husband living today, that has ever successfully negotiated with his wife.

“This is how we will negotiate, we will have broccoli tonight without any Apple Fritter. I am only thinking of your health.”

The way she glared at me I knew negotiations were off the table at this time and in its place was some steaming broccoli.

What I am going to do is sneak behind her back and eat two, not one but two, Apple Fritters and I will savor every bite.

If you want to make your family day a great day this year, make sure you plan some activities that can help you achieve this goal. Given below are 6 ideas that can help you get the most out of this day.

Enjoy a breakfast

In the morning, if you have some spare time, you can cut a toast or some fruits, such as watermelon or apple into pieces for breakfast. For this purpose, you can make use of a cookie cutter. Alternatively, you can bake some muffins as well. It’s a good idea to make muffins in the shape of a heart.

If you have some extra time, you can also make a delicious spread based on your kids’ taste.

Get out

Playing in the snow is a great way of having fun with your kids. In fact, your kids would love to get out and spend time playing with snow. You can enjoy the natural landscape by making a small snowman or snow fort. Of course, your kids can help you with this. If it’s summer, you can play hopscotch, go for a hike or engage in other indoor activities.

Here the idea is to change your routine for a day and spend some time with your family somewhere outside.

Make a collaborative craft

If you make a masterpiece that can be displayed in your house, it will work as a great reminder. What you need to do is print out family photos and put them in an album.

If you have a creative mind, you can do a family project, such as a windowsill garden or a scrapbook. If you are short of ideas, you can sit with your family and come up with some ideas that you can work on. It’s also a good idea to get in touch with your friends a few days ahead of the family day to get some great ideas.

Read a book with your kids

You can choose your favorite book and read it sitting on your couch. It’s better to enjoy a book with pictures. Actually, reading a book with pictures will be an interactive experience. This way you can also teach your kids as to how exciting it can be to read a book.

If your children are learning to read, you can opt for a book that is easy to read. In other words, the book should have easy vocabulary and short stories.

Write letters

You can sit with your children and draw or write postcards to other family members, such as Grandpa, Grandma, uncles and aunts. This is a great way of expressing your love for those family members. You can also use stamps and stickers on the postcards.

Start a fresh tradition

Family Day is a new day on the list of holidays. Therefore, you can get creative and make a new tradition. You can watch a family photo album or videos over dinner to relieve family memories, for instance.

So, these are some great ideas that can help you celebrate the Family Day

We love our dogs, from the tips of their wet noses to their joyfully swaying tails. Nonetheless, with regards to the issues related to pet proprietorship, the issue of shedding hair frequently best the rundown.

For What Reason Do Animals Shed Their Hair?

For whatever length of time that humankind has been living nearby mutts, we’ve spent innumerable hours expelling shed hide from our garments, nourishment, homes, and belonging. Pooch proprietors do what’s coming to us of shedding, as well-simply look at the deplete after you’ve had a shower. In any case, for what reason do creatures shed in any case?

“Creatures shed their hair as a characteristic procedure to evacuate harmed and old hair and renew with new hair,” says Dr. Adam Denish of Rhawnhurst Animal Hospital in Pennsylvania. “Hair has a large number of purposes, including sensation, assurance of the skin, and control of body temperature, among others.”

How To Control Dog Shedding With Diet

Regardless of whether your puppy leaves a light covering of hiding afterward or clusters the extent of little well-evolved creatures, here are a few things you can do to stem that furry tide.

As indicated by Dr. Coates, once medical issues have been precluded, an all-around adjusted and sound eating routine can go far to continuing shedding at a worthy level.

“A fair eating regimen won’t supply every one of the supplements a pet needs to develop and keep up a sound coat. Sufficient measures of great protein and fat, especially basic unsaturated fats, are expected to lessen shedding,” says Dr. Coates.

Furthermore, with regards to your decision in sustenance, it’s best not to hold back, says Dr. Denish.

“The nature of nourishment that your pet eats incredibly impacts the level of shedding and the nature of the coat,” says Dr. Denish. Obviously, there is a hereditary and breed segment to a creature’s shedding as well.”

How To Control Shedding With Grooming

Counsel from vets is all fine and great; however, in the event that you truly need to get the inside scoop on shedding, you have to converse with somebody who’s invested energy in the trenches where the hide is continually flying: a puppy groomer.

Mari Rozanski, of Plush Pups Boutique and Grooming in Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania, has been preparing pooches for over 25 years. Legitimate prepping, similar to such a large number of different parts of puppy possession, starts at home. To put it plainly, you must brush them. However, how frequently?

“In a perfect world, I would state brush your puppy consistently. It’s useful for their jacket and skin, and it can fill in as quality time with your canine,” says Rozanski. “More realistically, brushing your canine at least once or twice a week should help continue shedding to a base.”

Keeping Your Home Clean Of Pet Hair

With regards to keeping your home clean, there are numerous things you can do to either get push off canine hair or shield it from turning into an issue in any case. As per Rozanski, it’s dependably a smart thought to keep furniture and other wanted territories secured with a toss or sheet, but vacuuming is your best weapon in the battle against canine hair. While an ordinary vacuum can be utilized, there are exceptional gadgets and connections that are intended to manage pet hide, which can make the activity less demanding.

With regards to brisk pickups of canine hair from garments and furniture, Rozanski is inclined toward hand rollers from organizations, for example, 3M. On the off chance that you have wood flooring in your home, a Swiffer or comparative kind of sweeper may do similarly and additionally a vacuum; however, you will still require one to get in the alcoves and corners of your furniture. Once more, none of these activities will totally dispense with shed hair from your home, yet they will enable you to battle it.

Utilizing Air Filters To Control Pet Hair In The Home

Pet hair and dander noticeable all around can compound hypersensitivities, asthma, and different conditions, and regularly the ordinary separating that accompanies warming and ventilating frameworks won’t be sufficiently strong to make a simple breathing condition. There are numerous independent air channels you can buy, yet Rozanski says she has had specific accomplishment with Aprilaire items.

Clearly, visit channel changes are an absolute necessity, and for vigorously shedding canines, you may even need to change channels more regularly than the organization suggests.

It is not that I do not like to travel; I just don’t like to leave home. I am quite comfortable at home where I have everything I need within easy reach.

Sometimes I have to travel to a conference or something, which is rather inconvenient for me. However, as my friend used to say, “That’s life.”

According to my calculations, I would have to travel 13 hours to get to my destination. I pondered for a long time whether it was worth it or not. Then the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage said, “Go ahead. You need a break.”

What she meant by “a break,” was far from my comprehension at the time. I guess she needed a break from me, which is my personal opinion.

However, taking her advice I packed my bags and prepared for my trip on the road.

Early the next morning I loaded my vehicle and set out on my trip. I must say that driving by yourself and being alone does have its advantages. After the first hour or so, I lost track of what those advantages really were. Talking to myself is the most boring conversation I could ever have.

I got to my conference on schedule and moved into my hotel room. I had a few hours before the conference started so I was able to stretch out on the bed and relax.

Then I got up and went to the conference. For the next few days, I spent going to the conference and coming back to my hotel room. I will confess, if you promise not to tell anyone, I did have a good time and some wonderful fellowship.

The time came for me to pack up, get on the road again and go home. After packing my vehicle, I stood for a moment and sighed very deeply. Being as weary as I was, I was not looking forward to the long travel home.

In one of the towns I passed through, they had several signs. Normally I do not pay much attention to signs, but in this case, I was a little curious. After all, I was bored.

In the middle of this little town was a big sign that said “Watch the Children.” I pulled over, parked my vehicle, rolled down the window and for the next 30 minutes I looked for the children. No children were around so how could I actually watch the children if there was no children? After all, there was a sign instructing me to watch the children.

Finally, after finding no children to watch, I decided to get back in the saddle again and continue home. A few blocks later, I saw another sign, “Thrift Store in Rear.” I did not even look! Nobody is going to trick me with that! I do fall for many things, but I do have my limit.

Hour past after hour and I was getting weary, I stopped at a few places to get something to eat. Nothing really appealed to my sagging appetite. Eating on the road can be a boring kind of activity. Of course, I went to the cheapest restaurants I could find, which may explain that.

After a while, one sandwich tastes like another sandwich and my tongue falls asleep.

Driving through one town, I realized I was in Lancaster County Pennsylvania. Therefore, with that in mind, I decided to stop at a good old time country restaurant. No better place for good food.

I sat down, looked at the menu and for once in my trip, I saw some things that attracted my appetite. Ordering a very nice lunch encouraged me a little bit, although I was still a little down and had a long way to go. I was weary in body and soul.

Finishing my meal the waitress came by and ask, “Sir, would you like some dessert?” Then she handed me the dessert menu. At the time, I was not hungry.

I took the menu opened it up, and then, there it was. All the hardships and boredom of my trip had come to a complete end. I could not believe what I was seeing on that dessert menu.

I could not remember how long it was since I had one of those desserts. But there it was! A slice of old-fashioned Amish shoofly pie. That got my heart thumping! There is no dessert quite like Amish shoofly pie.

Whoever invented the shoofly pie should get the Nobel Peace Prize. I know of no peace quite like a piece of shoofly pie.

“Have you decided on your dessert?”

I looked at the waitress and smiled like I had not smiled all week.

“I will have,” I said as dignified as I could, “a piece of your shoofly pie.”

“Good choice, Sir.”

And boy, was it a good choice! I savored every bite of that shoofly pie. It made the rest of the trip a delicious delight.

Thinking of that pie was the great delight for the rest of my travel. I understood David when he wrote, “Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalm 37:4).

Oftentimes I get so busy that all I can think about is the task before me. I am learning that in the midst of the busiest of tasks I can experience a wonderful delight in the Lord.

As a child, I remember my mother watching soap operas in the afternoon. I never had much interest in them; I would rather watch The Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto.

One afternoon I was sitting in the living room while she was watching one of her soap operas. I was trying to figure out what in the world was happening. None of it made sense and it seemed to be more drama than anything else. Why they call it, “soap opera” I will never know because they could use more soap in their conversations.

Although I never was much interested in soap operas, as I have gotten older (and I intend to get a lot older) I begin to see similarities. I am not an expert on soap operas by a long shot. However, it seems to me that our world has become a gigantic soap opera.

Everybody seems to be saying a line written for them by somebody else and none of it really making sense. There was a time when you could understand what a person was saying and there was some rationale behind the conversation.

Today is not that day.

I have noticed TV has many “reality shows.” For my dime, I do not see much reality in any of these reality shows. I know I do not watch them so maybe I am missing something. However, what I do see is not reality, as I know it.

That brings me to a question. What in the world happened to reality in our culture today? I do not see it anywhere.

I understand advertisements are not based upon reality. Their job is to sell their product to whoever they can sell their product to. I understand all that.

I understand that politics today is not based on any kind of reality known to man or woman. If we could get all politicians together in one room we maybe could find one tiny little gray cell that was working. However, it would not be overworked.

To have politicians that have no sense of reality at all is a very cumbersome predicament. They have no idea what the average person is up against and they have no way of helping them.

With a great deal of soap opera-ism, the politicians speak and speak and speak.

Just the other day I was listening to a politician talking and I could not understand what in the world he was talking about. The only thing they know what to talk about is whatever the audience at the time accepts to help them get reelected.

Where is the reality in politics? It is nothing but an overblown soap opera that nobody is really watching.

Not long ago when I was sick and could not get out of the house I watched some programs that were called “talk shows.” After listening for a little while, I concluded that a hummingbird made more sense than these people did on talk shows.

It has become a soap opera world for sure. Nothing really makes sense, at least to the common person. Nothing has any sense of reality in it. I guess when you are in TV you are not allowed to be “real” about anything. The only thing that is real in our social media today is the money that people are making acting as if they know what they are doing.

Of course, I got a little piece of advice from the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. I was complaining about all of this non-reality around us and how many idiots were out there in the world. I just went on and on and on until finally she heard enough.

“Well,” she said rather strictly, “do you want to know what I think about all of this?”

Of course she did not give me an opportunity to say yes or no, she was ready to give me her thoughts on this anyway.

“Complain about all of the idiots out there all you want. But there’s a positive side to all of this.”

To tell you the truth, I could not see any positive side so I inquired as to what she was talking about.

“Very simply,” she replied, “if it were not for all of the idiots and crazy people out there I would not know how sane you really are.”

I had to have her repeat that a couple of times because that was well over my pay grade. It finally sunk in.

I complimented her on that and told her she really had a good point. If it weren’t for all of those crazy idiots out there in the world, how would we know how sane and wonderful we really are?

Paul said it best when he wrote, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2).

The unreality of the world around me should not rob me of the reality of my relationship with God through Christ.

Since 1997, Rev. James L. Snyder has written a weekly religion/humor column, “Out To Pastor,” syndicated to over 300 newspapers and many websites. The Rev. Snyder is an award winning author whose writings have appeared in more than eighty periodicals including GUIDEPOSTS. In Pursuit of God: The Life of A. W. Tozer, Snyder’s first book, won the Reader’s Choice Award in 1992 by Christianity Today. Snyder has authored and edited 30 books altogether.

James L. Snyder was given an honorary doctorate degree (Doctor of Letters) by Trinity College in Florida. His weekly humor column, “Out To Pastor,” is syndicated to more than 325 weekly newspapers.

Generally speaking, and who speaks generally anymore these days, I am not much of a holiday fan. There seems to be a holiday every day of the week. So many holidays that I cannot keep up and quite frankly, I do not have much incentive to keep up.

When I was young, I enjoyed holidays but now that I am a husband, a father, a grandfather, every holiday is billed to my account, to such an extent I cannot get out of it. I hold my wallet very tight, but evidently not tight enough. Somebody invented holidays just to sell greeting cards and make a ton of money. So, I am not a great advocate of holidays.

I fondly remember as a youngster getting up Christmas morning excited about what Santa had brought me under the Christmas tree. Little did I know that my father was taking care of all the cost. How was I to know that Christmas had a price tag to it? Nobody ever told me when I was young the Christmas presents cost anything.

When I had a family of my own, I discovered that Christmas is not free, at least for the parents, especially the father of the tribe. Of course, it was worth seeing the laughter and bright eyes of the children as they opened their Christmas gifts.

Outside of Christmas, I do not have any holidays that I get excited about, except one. I am from Pennsylvania and if you are not from that state, you will not understand this holiday. I know people celebrate Groundhog Day, but that is not my holiday. The holiday that I celebrate the most is Fastnacht Day, which is a Pennsylvania Dutch holiday celebrated on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday.

No, it is not a religious holiday. I don’t know too much about the roots of Fastnacht Day. But the word Fastnacht means doughnuts. Therefore, in reality, it is the national Donut Day. What holiday could be better than spending the whole day eating donuts?

One time the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage challenged me about eating donuts all day, especially pristine apple fritters. I had to explain to her that because I am from Pennsylvania I have a solemn obligation to celebrate that holiday. Even though I no longer live in Pennsylvania, I still have a solemn responsibility to eat donuts all day long on Fastnacht Day.

I do have a small confession to make though. It was June and I was celebrating Fastnacht Day with apple fritters all day long. My wife caught me and said, “What are you doing?”

Very soberly I said, “Well, it’s Fastnacht Day and I am celebrating it by eating these apple fritters.” She gave me one of those stares that bores into my very soul. I do not get those stares often, but when I do, they are most alarming.

“What do you mean,” my wife asked, “today is Fastnacht Day?” So, I launched into my description of this holiday and that as a Pennsylvania born person, I have a solemn responsibility to honor this holiday every year. It is my heritage.

“Yes,” she said most sternly, “but why are you eating apple fritters TODAY?”

There was silence for a little bit and I did not know how to answer her.

“If I’m not mistaken,” she queried, “you celebrated Fastnacht Day back in March. Why are you celebrating it in June?”

I knew I was trapped and I did not know how to untrap myself. All I could do was say, “Oh, I forgot that this was June. I must be getting older and my memory isn’t working quite as well.”

Looking at me and not smiling, she said, “It’s not your memory I’m worried about.” Then she turned around and walked away. I have been worried ever since. I did not know what she meant by what she was worried about me for. It could be a thousand things and quite frankly, I do not have the nerve to ask her what she was most worried about me.

As I said, every holiday comes with a cost factor. Not all cost has to do with money.

I wanted to tell her that although Fastnacht Day comes in March I like to celebrate it three or four times during the year. Now, what’s wrong with that? Why is it that you have to celebrate a holiday just for one day? Why can’t it be throughout the year?

I think I know how she would have responded. “Okay, why don’t you celebrate my birthday every month?” Believe me, I’m not going to be walking on those troubled waters anytime soon.

Throughout the years, I have learned that everybody has their own way of celebrating a holiday. Personally, I think people are too legalistic when it comes to holidays. My idea is, instead of celebrating holidays, why don’t we celebrate every day of the year. Every day has something special in it that warrants celebration. Celebration is remembering the right things.

David understood this when he wrote, “Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness’ sake, O Lord” (Psalm 25:7).

There are things in my life I do not want to celebrate or remember. It is the grace of God that enables him to remember the goodness in my life and not my sins.

Since 1997, Rev. James L. Snyder has written a weekly religion/humor column, “Out To Pastor,” syndicated to over 300 newspapers and many websites. The Rev. Snyder is an award winning author whose writings have appeared in more than eighty periodicals including GUIDEPOSTS. In Pursuit of God: The Life of A. W. Tozer, Snyder’s first book, won the Reader’s Choice Award in 1992 by Christianity Today. Snyder has authored and edited 30 books altogether.

A mystery has developed within the halls of our once peaceful domicile. At first, I did not think too seriously about it. Some things, if left alone usually take care of themselves. Of course, there always are other things, like my socks, that never take care of themselves no matter how hard I wish.

A hint of the mystery came my way on Wednesday when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage went to the freezer for a box of ice cream. According to her, this was supposed to be for our dessert after supper. But, if I have all the facts correct, she went to the freezer and did not find the anticipated box of ice cream.

I was preoccupied with the evening news on television when my wife came and stood in the archway with both hands on her hips, staring at me with one of those looks and said, “Where did the ice cream go?”

Well, as questions go, this one was a question, all right. My first response was to say, “Am I my ice cream’s keeper?” But I knew that would not scoop any goodwill from her. There is a time to laugh and then there is the time to answer your wife’s question. My problem is I usually confuse these two times.

However, from the tone of her voice I got the suspicion that this was not a rhetorical question. Somehow, I felt she was looking for an answer and in looking for the answer was looking straight at me. At the time I was looking rather guilty.

I resent this sort of thing. Whenever something adverse happens in our house the first thing my wife does is to question me about the incident. And I do remember that this sort of thing happened even when the children were still living under our roof. The insinuation that I was at the bottom of some sort of mischief is quite offensive to Yours Truly. I usually am at the bottom of something or other, but offensive, nevertheless, to be thought of in this light especially from my wife.

The grilling continued.

“Do you know anything about the missing ice cream?” She queried as though she knew the answer.

My philosophy is, if you know the answer why bother with the question. The way she posed her question suggested to me that she already knew the answer. In fact, the way she was looking at me suggested very strongly that she was looking at the answer.

The only thing I could do was retaliate with a dumb look. When it comes to dumb looks, I got her beat every time. And why not? I’ve had more practice.

I did not quite know how to answer these inquiries. If I answered “yes,” I was in for some very serious interrogation. If, on the other hand, I answered “no,” I was in for some very dirty looks. I’m not sure which is worse, “interrogation” or “dirty looks.” Both are on about the same level of pain for the recipient.

While we are on the subject, I have some questions of my own. What I want to know is, does she think I’m responsible for the missing ice cream or, does she think I know what happened to the missing ice cream? How much does she know about the incident and when did she know it?

It was around this time that she brought some evidence to bear upon the incident.

“I bought a box of ice cream on Monday and I have the receipt here to prove that I did. I did not have any ice cream and it is only Wednesday, but the ice cream is missing.”

As devastating as that evidence was she still had more incriminating corroboration in her accusatory arsenal.

“Also, I’ve been hearing some suspicious activity in the middle of the night in the general area of the refrigerator. Do you have any idea what that noise might be?”

Another question! Who does she think she is? The FBI? [Female Bullying Investigator].

I must admit evidence was piling up pretty heavy in my direction.

However, I have a question of my own. Am I responsible for every noise and suspicious activity that goes on in the middle of the night? And, could it be that I am positively innocent of these covert charges laid against me? Isn’t a person presumed to be innocent until found guilty? And, does a husband qualify as being a person?

I am never good at answering questions. For example, my wife once asked me, “Are you acting like a fool?”

Without even thinking, I responded by saying, “I’ll have you know I’m not acting.”

Jesus was good at asking questions. His questions usually got to the heart of the issue. He once asked Peter a very serious question. “Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these?” (John 21:15).

Peter, being the kind of person he was, thought he knew the answer when he really did not understand the question.

Finally, after the third time, Peter surrendered to the Lord. “Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee.” (John 21:17).

My grandfather had a favorite saying that went something like this, “A frown is just a smile upside down.” Nobody could smile quite like my grandfather. He never waited for any reason to smile, he just smiled.

In fact, thinking about it today, I do not ever remember seeing my grandfather frown. I am sure he did, because we all do. However, it was not a major part of his life.

Whenever the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage sends me to the grocery store, I usually notice most people have an upside down smile. Some of them look like they have worked very hard to get it. Me, I walk around smiling.

Occasionally I will have to do something to make somebody smile. It gets under my skin when I see somebody not smiling and I start itching. I know I have to do something to change that situation.

I notice when walking around smiling and looking at people right in their eyes, I usually get a smile in return. Then I will smile at the people smiling back at me who do not have any understanding of why they are smiling. They are smiling because a smile is contagious and they don’t know it.

Recently my wife was worried about something; I forget what it was now. She was thinking and thinking and I could see she was trying to solve some kind of a problem. She is a great problem solver. I, on the other hand, only know how to create problems.

Her demeanor was rather down, her face had one of those upside down smiles and I knew she was working on something rather serious. I had two choices. Either, I go along with her upside down smile or I turn things around and get the smile going. The only way to do this is not saying anything, just smile outrageously.

If I am good at anything, it is smiling outrageously at nothing at all. Maybe I inherited this from my grandfather, I am not sure.

The situation demanded that I do something. So, whenever she came into the living room where I was sitting I would smile outrageously to her. I would smile so outrageously that it almost developed into hysterical laughter.

After coming in several times she finally stopped, put both hands on her hips and said, “Why are you smiling?” At that point, I knew I had her. What I do next is very important if I am going to turn her frown upside down.

“Oh,” I said while laughing, “I was just thinking about what one of the grandchildren said the other day.” All I have to mention is the word “grandchildren,” and I got her in my claws.

Her hands dropped off her hips, she walked over, sat down looking at me all the time and said, “What about the grandchildren?” As she said that she was smiling and if I can get her smiling long enough, she will forget about what she was frowning about.

So, I went into a long detail of what the grandchildren were doing the other week. By the time I was done, she was laughing and said, “Oh, those grandchildren. Aren’t they the best grandchildren in the world?”

Not only are smiles contagious, but they have a healthy element to it. For the rest of the day all I had to do was smile when she passed me and she smiled back because I knew she was thinking about those grandchildren.

Personally, I do not spend much time with an upside down smile. I like to get my world straightened up and enjoy it. I do not know how long I have to live, but I certainly want to die smiling. I want people coming to my casket, looking at me and walk away asking themselves, “What is he smiling about?”

On occasion, I enjoy going to a restaurant by myself and have a cup of coffee. I like to sit in a back corner somewhere so I can see what is happening.

One thing I noticed is that most waitresses do not smile too much. I know they have a hard job to do and very few people appreciate them. My objective in a restaurant of that nature is to leave the restaurant with everybody smiling. What does it take to get somebody to smile?

One time I went up to the cash register to pay my bill and noticed the woman behind the cash register was not smiling. I was thinking she was having a hard day. Then an idea snuck into the corridors of my mind.

“My waitress told me that if I mentioned to you how nice you look today, you would give me a discount.” Looking at her, I was smiling and suddenly she broke into laughter. She told me it was the first time she laughed that day.

Much to my surprise, she did give me a discount on my lunch. I was not expecting that and so I was smiling all the way to my car.

One of my favorite Bible verses is, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).

If that is true, and it is, I want a doctorate in smileology and as far as I know, nothing can cure laughter-itis.

Since 1997, Rev. James L. Snyder has written a weekly religion/humor column, “Out To Pastor,” syndicated to over 300 newspapers and many websites. The Rev. Snyder is an award winning author whose writings have appeared in more than eighty periodicals including GUIDEPOSTS. In Pursuit of God: The Life of A. W. Tozer, Snyder’s first book, won the Reader’s Choice Award in 1992 by Christianity Today. Snyder has authored and edited 30 books altogether.

James L. Snyder was given an honorary doctorate degree (Doctor of Letters) by Trinity College in Florida. His weekly humor column, “Out To Pastor,” is syndicated to more than 325 weekly newspapers.

I am not sure why I think of some things, however, occasionally I remember something that happened a million years ago. Or so it seems.

This week for some reason, I happened to think of my fifth grade elementary school teacher. Her name was Miss Ammon. She was a wonderful teacher in many regards and taught me quite a bit or at least she tried.

As a fifth-grader, I looked at her as a very old woman. She might’ve been 50, I’m not sure. One of my friends joked and asked her, “Miss Ammon, how was Noah as a student?”

I am glad he asked and not me because the class was then introduced to her “Hickory Stick.” I say we, but it was my friend with the stupid question that was actually introduced to it.

After the incident, she told the class, “I have here in my hand the Board of Education which shall be applied to the seat of your learning when necessary.” Nobody even snickered, but left that alone.

Miss Ammon did not have a sense of humor. Everything was very serious to her and I do not remember ever seeing her even smile. She probably did, but that is not a memory that I have of her.

I remember the day that the government ruled against Bible reading and the Lord’s Prayer in school. Being young, I did not quite understand the significance of it. The next day in school Miss Ammon stood in front of the class with a hickory stick in her right hand. As she was smacking her left hand she said, “Let them come into my class and tell me I can’t read the Bible or say the Lord’s Prayer.”

Knowing her as we knew her then, she would have been very good on her word. In fact, when we were outside at recess (remember recess?) we all talked about how exciting it would be for them come into our class and face-off with our dear Miss Ammon. She is the only woman that could have gotten away with something like that. She was afraid of no one. Everyone was afraid of her; even the principal but that is another story.

Once I was to give a little oral report before the class and Miss Ammon called me up front and asked me if I was ready. I stupidly said, “I rehearsed this in my sleep last night.” Some of my friends snickered, but Miss Ammon said, “Well, I hope you can repeat it while you’re awake.” That was the only time I ever saw something close to a twinkle in her eyes. That was not the encouragement to put me in a positive position of presenting my little speech.

I well remember the day that my seat of learning was introduced to her Board of Education. I was chewing gum in class, and back then, you were not allowed to chew gum in class. I knew it, but for some reason I thought I could get away with it. When she saw me chewing the gum she said to me, “Get rid of that gum right now!”

I had forgotten I was chewing it because at that time that was a natural thing to do. She alarmed me and I turned to my left and spit the gum out on the floor. Then I laughed. It was a natural response for me and then I was introduced to the natural response of Miss Ammon.

She quietly turned around, went to the corner of the room and picked up her hickory stick. I could hear everybody in the class sighing. “Mr. Snyder,” she said in a very reverent tone, too reverent for me. “Will you please come to the front of the class?” I knew it was not a question. I knew it was a direct order from “the boss.”

To show how old she was, she was my father’s teacher when he was in grade school. Banking on that she said, “You tell your father about this and it will be repeated.” There in front of the class, I bent over on her command and received four swats of her hickory stick. She did not miss a lick.

I did not tell my father. He had a rule in our home that if you got a spanking in school you also got a spanking when you got home. This is the first time I am telling anyone about that episode.

Occasionally I feel a little tingle on the “seat of my learning” reminding me of Miss Ammon. I have not chewed gum since.

Many years later when I was an adult and had published several books, I took some to her and thanked her for teaching me to read and write.

We need more Miss Ammon’s in our school system today. Personally, I would like to see every politician bow before her and be initiated.

I’m not sure and I never asked, but I think her favorite verse was, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24).

At the time, I did not know how much Miss Ammon really loved her students. We learned a lot from her, and she is desperately needed in our school culture today.

Since 1997, Rev. James L. Snyder has written a weekly religion/humor column, “Out To Pastor,” syndicated to over 300 newspapers and many websites. The Rev. Snyder is an award winning author whose writings have appeared in more than eighty periodicals including GUIDEPOSTS. In Pursuit of God: The Life of A. W. Tozer, Snyder’s first book, won the Reader’s Choice Award in 1992 by Christianity Today. Snyder has authored and edited 30 books altogether.

James L. Snyder was given an honorary doctorate degree (Doctor of Letters) by Trinity College in Florida. His weekly humor column, “Out To Pastor,” is syndicated to more than 325 weekly newspapers.

Through 45 years of ministry, he and his wife Martha have been involved in three church-planting projects prior to their current ministry at the Family of God Fellowship in Ocala, Florida. The Snyders have three children and nine grandchildren and one great-grandson.